Affirmations of a Gay Man
May I be content with myself and not compare my achievements to those of others. When one of my brothers gets a boyfriend, a very attractive boyfriend, may I congratulate him and not tweet passive aggressively.
May I find something new to love about my body each time I look in a mirror.
May I recognize the people and events that allow me to feel comfortable in my own skin today. People and events such as, but not limited to, the following: Bayard Rustin, Harvey Milk, Oscar Wilde, The Stonewall Riots, Audre Lorde, Wham!, ACT UP, Elton John, RENT, Alan Turing, concentration camps, The Daughters of Bilitis, every single drag queen that ever had the courage to put on her heels––and Lady Gaga (who is optional). May I feel the presence of these things always and may it humble me always.
May I never tell another gay man that he is too femme for me. May I never tell myself that I am too femme to be desirable.
May I go to the gym if and when I fucking feel like it––because it is not “gay church.” I am not negligent of my own identity if I choose not to go.
May I remember everything else about me that is essential to my identity. May I remember that gay men don’t exist in a vacuum.
May I be willing to take on the challenge of helping others overcome oppression, too. May I believe the words, “none of us are truly free until all of us are.”
May I never beat myself up for not having a boyfriend.
May I never beat myself up for not being as successful as others believe I ought to be.
May I be a beacon of body positivity to every gay man coming out of the closet now. May I treat my body like the miracle that it is.
May I love myself fully––not because nobody else will––but because I unapologetically deserve to love myself.
- Gay guys: We need to stick together and fight for our rights! It's love that matters, and we have to stand up against discrimination!
- Gay guys on gay dating/social networking websites: No fem guys, act like a guy, straight acting guys only. No asians or black guys, I'm not racist just a preference.
I’m never gonna wait
that extra twenty minutes
to text you back,
and I’m never gonna play
hard to get
when I know your life
has been hard enough already.
When we all know everyone’s life
has been hard enough already
it’s hard to watch
the game we make of love,
like everyone’s playing checkers
with their scars,
whenever they get out
without a broken heart.
Just to be clear
I don’t want to get out
without a broken heart.
I intend to leave this life
there’s gonna have to be
a thousand separate heavens
for all of my flying parts.
I was supposed to meet someone last night. You know, for a date. We were going to share some coffee at this locally owned café and then walk around Boston for a bit. We agreed on meeting at 9 p.m., but he told me around 8—“running a bit late. don’t leave yet. i’ll text you when i’m on my way.”
So I waited a little bit. And then a little bit turned into a while and a while turned into half an hour. Then I decided “public transportation takes a long time, and I could get there pretty late if I don’t leave now.” So I left around 9, took my car to the light rail stop, parked it, and waited for the text from this boy.
Now this weekend was particularly stressful, and I was running on five hours of sleep—so I’d had a red bull and I was nursing a bottle of water as well. Naturally, I had to pee. So I decided that I could walk around Brookline for a bit before getting on the T. I walked into book stores and a puzzle shop and eventually made my way further down Beacon Street until I found myself at the a café I’d been to before with another boy. Things didn’t work out with him either, but I loved that place. I forgot about my date and went in.
The atmosphere of that little place is so inviting and quiet. It’s the perfect place to bring your neglected reading at 10 and stay ‘till 11 before a long walk back to your car. I even organized my date book! Of course, my date never called or texted or even apologized for standing me up.
I ended up driving home around 11:30, but I felt like I had just had a lovely date with myself. I turned what could have been a really terrible night of feeling lonely and unwanted (and calling friends after midnight to whine) into a night of self care and exploration. It wasn’t about another person. It wasn’t about trying to make it work with someone.
I was the lucky recipient of my own time. And I discovered that I really like it. A good friend and I were talking the other day, and he said, “the universe is constantly trying to tell us that we’re okay on our own.” I think he could be right. We are creatures totally capable of being complete and content on our own. Last night I discovered that I can be, too.
Daniel Handler, AKA Lemony Snicket, gives love advice on twitter. (Part 1)